Travelog for: Dilbert

Today Dilbert went to the cinema with Greedy but soon after the film began, instead of  enjoying watching "the golden compas" in French, the went to look for popcorns and such on the floor. Dilbert sniffed them out and Greedy ate them all.

Helloooooooo, hellooooooooooo! We have arrived in South Africa at last... what a journey, jostled about by the postal system. Luckily no one poked their nose in the packet (luckily for them or HitchaRideDooey or I would have given it a nip!) Fi raced into the post office to rescue us just as the guard was approaching to lock the door... with an rather unamused look on his face! Anyway, freedom at last and a quick five minute journey home. We were dying of thirst and we could both smell water...and other dogs... we sniffed around a bit and found the water bowl.



Time to make plan B! What size dog could possibly need all that water? Hmmmm? Ummm....ummmm.... ah... eeek!



Oh, I thought my heart might stop! I'm not even a mouthful, I'd get stuck in her teeth! Oh help she is going to sit on me... no, she is just going to ... how rude, she is just going to sit there and ignore us! Hey, hey you with the funny accent...yes you, I'm talking to you. I've come all the way around the world to meet you and you turn your very large nose up at me?



Oh well, I guess we didn't make too much of an impression on her then. Wait, there is another one... hey you! Aaarff arrff! Can you see me? No I am not a noisy autumn leaf! Look closely and you will see me. Well, South African dogs seem pretty stuck up!



Ooooohhh! We have just spotted the bed Fi and her children made for Pinky Bear... don't know about you Dooey, but I could do with a nap.... and Pinky is off on a mystery tour  somewhere so she won't be needing it....

Fi said this house has strict dog rules. That means no sleeping on beds. So Pinky’s bed was out… I thought we were doomed to the doghouse but Fi whipped up this little basket for us. So warm and comfy! Come on HitchaRideDooey  snuggle up.


Ahhhh, this is the life. Can you tell Fi likes red? We slept so well last night. We had a lazy day to day because Fi was helping someone with a project, but tomorrow we will do something nice. She told me that on Friday I am going to sleep over at her friend Lara. Lara is going to take me with her to a Game Reserve! Not just ANY old one but the Kruger Park! I can’t wait but I must remind Fi to tell her 'no ostriches'.... I heard about Marcello ....shudder... Dooey is too small to go with. He is going to stay here and wait for Pinky to get back from Europe. They will have an equally exciting adventure next week.



Talking of Doeey, can you believe this? We were wandering through the house today having a good sniff around as dogs do. We went into little Natalie’s room and who did we find there? Non other than Hooey’s cousin Mc Doggy! They had lots of catching up to do. Apparently they come from some place called Mc Donalds, must be in Scotland somewhere… they just rolled their eyes up at me. Oh well, I am just going to curl up in my cozy bed and leave them to it. I am sure I will dream of lions and leopards...and wild dogs...and zzzzzzz....OSTRICHES.....(legs twitch in sleep)

Today Fi decided to be brave and take us to experience some local bureaucracy.

Every five years you have to get your drivers licence renewed. So a month ago, off she went to the Randburg Licensing Department to apply. The queue was very similar to something she had once experienced at Eurodisney…. You stand for hours in a maze not knowing how long the rest of the queue in front of you is because it is always just out of sight. Anyway, on that occasion it took four hours till eye tests were done and finger prints were taken and large amounts of money were handed over (cash cow anyone?).

Three weeks later Fi was almost bowled over when she opened her post box and a postcard informing her that her licence was ready, tumbled out. Almost unheard of in the African time space continuum.

Fi chose her very largest handbag to hide her camera in. As patriotic as she is, she told us that Johannesburg is indeed a very dangerous place overrun with a criminal element… If her camera was spotted it was definitely going to be ‘re- purposed’!

So first stop. Drivers licence pick up. What a shocker, place was empty! It took longer to take a photo than to pick up her licence. Luckily there is nothing that African people like more than having their photo taken! See the man in the background? He was very funny. He asked if I had just taken a photo, whoops I thought Fi was in trouble… but he said ‘better check your camera still works you chose the ugliest member of staff to take a photo of!



Next, Fi picked up her car licence disc, very conveniently it was due at the same time so only one trip was necessary. Fi kept us tucked well in her bag with the camera; she was dying to show you all what it looked like in there (trust me – like nothing you have ever seen before) but she just couldn’t take the risk.

Then we stood for ages in a very grubby passage waiting for the door to open to room 105B so we could see Abie and make enquiries about a long overdue licence for a foreign vehicle. Of course ‘the other side’ had made no record of receiving the documentation  so it had to be re sent, now that was more like the South Africa Fi knew! Abie was also happy to have his photo taken



…hang on we are almost drowned in paper work… here we are close up.



Outside Fi used her camera phone to take a picture… then quickly walked back to her car.



This is the car guard! People are actually employed to look after your car to make sure it doesn’t get pinched! I can’t believe it. After she tipped him she asked if he would like to have his photo taken. He was very happy and asked all about ToyVoyagesr but I could see the look in his eye that said “crazy woman” - the same look they all have. 



On the way home we saw lots of interesting things but there was no where safe to stop. As we approached Fi’s area she found somewhere to pull over to show us Johannesburg city itself. It is about 30 km away  -18 miles for foreigners like us! We had to pull a Tom Cruise and hang upside down so we could be in the photo… right, so we see tall grass and a housing complex and. .?



Ahhh! There it is. Looks tiny from here.

Boing.. boing...boing.... I am so excited I am bouncing all over the place! Can' wait...can't wait....can't wait... How cool do I look in my cammo safari jacket?



This is the lovely Lara that will be taking me to the Kruger Park.... Whee! I am going to the Kruger Park.....can't wait... can't wait....


Umm what are these?



Ostritch eggs? Somebody tell Lara I don't do ostritch, they eat little Tv's  like me!!!!

Aha! This smells so good.... what is it? Dried meat? Sounds delicious, can I have some? I am sure I have never seen Mom and Dad eat dried meat... Dooey says they call it Jerky in the States, I prefer the name here, Biltong.



Right then, goodbye Fi! Goodbye Dooey! Of course I will behave myself, what mischief could I possibly get into?

Hi,
just got an update from Lara. They were supposed to be back tonight, but they are having so much fun they are staying an extra day visiting the surrounding areas. She says she is not sure who is having the most fun, Dilbert or her husband showing Dilbert the sights! So far they have seen elephants, lions, rhinos and monkeys. Dilbert had to have a mid morning nap he was so exhausted from the safari! Well I can't wait to see the photos but if you want a liitle sneak peek of where they went look here: Tinga Pivate Game Reserve

Oh my goodness! I may never leave South Africa after that experience! I want to be  a game ranger dog. Firstly, did you look at the link to where I went? I was in the lap of lux-U-ry. I had my own private pool off my suite ... well okay, I had to share with Lara and Dave.... but you know what I mean... give a dog a break.  Here I am on my lounger Dooey man, you missed out little buddy. Not that I am rubbing it in or anything.



Gotta make sure I tan evenly....oh it's a dogs life!



I thought I would take a little stroll to the river, it was probably not allowed but I am an animal after all, I am at one with nature, I....AAAAAAARRRGGG! What the heck is that thing? Any cat would have been proud of the way I scaled that wall in one swift movement, I tell you.



Yes, it is a rhino and yes it looks tiny in the photo, but NO it isn't! Bloody great big scary thing.



Oh oh, it is getting closer, and NO that big wet patch on the wall was NOT me! But I am going inside for a little while.



Right, time for a game drive! Erm, there's no windows and ah....um... the roof is canvas on this thing.



Whee! Instead of having my nose sticking out the window, I can turn around like this... and have my tail hanging out catching the breeze, hilarious! Har har har... What? An elephant? Where?



Dave, wouldn't it be funny if you made me look bigger than the elephant? Go on! You're the best!



Here at the back, I spotted another one! I am such a good game spotter. Either you have it or you don't, some people drive through here for days and say they see nothing... but that is because they are not looking properly. Not me, I am a game ranger dog!



One day when I am big, I am going to get one of these fine vehicles. Oh, pretty sunset! It is such an intense colour down here in Africa.



If I sit very still she might think I am part of the chair... stop... looking... at... me... Lara? Dave? I want my mommy!



I dreamed of lions all night! Licking their chops and staring at me. I woke up early which was just as well because we had a 6am game drive... so early even the horses still had their pyjamas on.. ha ha...just kidding, these are of course Zebra



Shouldn't I have a rifle if I am sitting up here? Hmm smell that fresh air. What else is that I smell, breakfast? Yummy, lets go!



Now you have to be careful with these guys. Creep up quietly and don't let them know you are there... they steal things you know... and when I say things I mean small furry objects such as myself. Shhh!



If I sit quite still on my perch and observe, It won't even notice that I am here but they have very quick little eyes and even quicker little hands....



Yawwwwn... another early morning... I'm so tired I am seeing spots... hang on it's a giraffe! I like giraffes. Fi said they have very stinky breath. I like dog breath, how bad can giraffe breath be?



I wonder if anyone would notice if I started this up and had a little ride?



Well, it is time to leave... so sad...but we are driving through Mpumalamnga next... you can't pronounce that? Mmmm...pooh...mah....lun...gah! There, you said it!

UPDATE 01 May 2008

All the photos you see above were obviously taken by someone else so I could be in them, I am very handsome in photos after all. Well, what you may not know is that I am a talented photographer in my own right and here are some of the photos I took on the trip...




























I also do weddings, parties and other functions...let me know if you need me...

After we left the Kruger Park, we had a leisurely drive to our next destination. On route we stopped off at a few of the scenic spots. this is me at the Graskop lookout point where you can see down into the valley. The wind was howling and I feared for my life, it was a loooooooooooooong drop if a gust swept me off the edge. As soon as the photo was taken I was scooped back to safety... phew...



Oh the howling wind! I had to hold on for dear life here too...
In the distance you can see a body of water, that is the Blyde River (pronounced Blade ah - it means river of joy) which runs through the Blyde River Canyon. One of the most beautiful and spectacular parts of South Africa and the third largest and deepest canyon in the world.
You have to see it in real life to appreciate it, photos just don't do it justice. Have a quick look here for a little more info: Blyde River Canyon



A few kilometers, sorry, miles, along there is a view point called God's Window. Apparently the view through the mountains where you can see the whole of the Lowveld is quite spectacular. Fi says she can't confirm this, every time she has taken a look all she has seen is mist! The region is well known for its mist! (it is also well known for pancake houses for some reason, yummy!)

Fi is just waiting for a few more photos to update you with here.

UPDATE 1 May 2008

Here are the scenic photos that I took, every bit as good as my animal portraits I reckon...

We spent the night in a place called Dullstroom which is a well known fly fishing town. It is very picturesque. One of its claims to fame is being one of the coldest town in South Africa, and boy can I vouch for that! For a bit more information look here: Dullstroom make sure you click on the panorama route which tells you about all the places I have been.

After I got back from my travels, I met Pinky Bear a very nice little bear. I was happy to sit and spend the day telling her and HitchaRideDooey what a brave and fearless dog I was, tackling rhinos and lions and other dangerous animals without breaking a sweat. They were awestruck. As they should be.

The next day, Fi had a craft class with six children. We wisely decided to hide away. There was glue and stuff all over the place.

Yesterday (Fi is making me type this at 2 in the morning - you can tell SHE had an afternoon nap), we had a dissapointing day.

We all climbed into the car to visit a museum that Fi had heard of. First off the traffic lights were all out because of load shedding. The country does not have enough electricity, so everyone has a three hour period, twice a week, without power. They are all divided up into zones andwe chose the wrong day to drive through Roodepoort! After a bit, Fi pulled the car over and phoned the museum (she had the printout with her - not such a dumb blonde after all!) to see if they were closed due to load shedding. The lady said they had power but you could only visit by appointment! Have you ever? An appointment to go to a museum? We were all so dissapointed that Fi decided to take us to a nearby place which has miniture trains to ride on. Can you believe it! They were closed too, trains needed maintenance work. By now one child had a very long face and the other was near to tears. She decided to take us all to lunch. As we entered the shopping centre the lights went out... Fi bought some chocolate at the generator powered supermarket to cheer us all up and drove home. What a day.

That evening we went out and had fun at last.  Fi and her husband belong to a wine tasting club. Fi doesn't drink wine!
She told everyone about us and I almost went on a trip to Thailand but the couple who are going admitted they were not responsible enough to be trusted with me.... as did the couple going to Venice. Fi has some well travelled friends!

I helped take the corks out... quite a job for a small pup, and I never touched a drop!



Anyway, I am off to bed now, busy day later.

Been having a lazy day today, slept late, helped Fi frame some pictures, had a very late lunch, lazed around some more, watched a dvd with the children, helped them pitch a tent.... yep, we are camping tonight...



Jo'burg style.



You didn't actually think we'd be OUTSIDE in this crazy town, did you? We did get to see some wild life though, The Big Five ...



Okay, okay, they were just on the end of the skewers...

Now then, you can't go camping without toasted marshmallows, and you can't toast marshmallows without a camp fire.

Ladies and gentlemen, South Africa's answer to power failures, and the Jo'burg indoor camper's answer to a camp fire: the candle. (Yes, actaully, Fi DID go to boarding school as a matter of fact. Why do you ask?)



Me first... oooooh, just as well I am so low down, the salivating would put out the flame! Hope it doesn't stick on my muzzle fur, I'd HATE to have a bath...



OOOPS! HitchaRideDooey got it too low and set it alight! He got such a fright he dropped it!




Shane took over and showed us how to do it properly. Smart kid, he can also pitch a tent in his bedroom with only the help of a four year old girl and two small dogs... what a boy!



Right: teeth brushed, toilet, bed time story, bed! I am so excited to go camping that I don't think I will fall asleep any time soon....

Grab a cup of tea! And a few biscuits... go ahead, I'll wait for you. This is going to be a looooooong update.

First off, it has been three days and we are STILL camping! Fi is quite surprised that none of us has grown tired of it yet....

Yesterday HitchaRideDooey and I helped Fi whip up a cake quickly, honestly she really does leave everything till the eleventh hour. Luckily I was a great help, being quite the masterful chef... and chocolate cake just happens to be my speciality.



Hmm hmm hmm, can't you just smell that delightful aroma? Time to get it out the oven, Dooey try not to trip over that apron again, you're going to get burned...



Now I suppose you are wondering what the occasion is? Really, who needs an occasion for chocolate cake? Okay, okay, it just so happened that there WAS an occasion. Quick version of a long story. Remember Lara who took me on Safari to the KNP? (Sorry, forgot you weren't  a local - Kruger National Park.) Well she is a scrapbook teacher AND the editor of a local scrapbook magazine AND she organises charity scrapbook events. She ALWAYS invites her best American celebrity scrapbook buddies The Polka Dot Chicks Kelly Collins and Amy Totty, to come and teach. They are designers for Bazzill (you know, of the brilliant card stock fame?) So guess who the cake was for?

Swoon, my Best Friend Forever Amy Totty! Isn't she cute? (Secret, she was on safari with me too!)



She gave us a scrapbook class last night, check out our page:



Silly Fi not only never took a photo of our masterpiece, but was so busy stuffing her face with a local favourite MILKTART, that she never even TASTED my baking! I must get the recipe for that tart, it was scrumptious. I also popped into the TV (television, don't get excited!) room to say hi to Dave, Lara's husband who took such good care of me at the KNP.

We got home so late and we had to get up early for....

... our long awaited trip to the museum. This time we had an appointment!

We caught EVERY traffic light red on the way there! And then we couldn't find the door to get in. Luckily we got found because it was fascinating in there. And we had a very nice guide called Carolina show us around.

The area was first populated by pre-historic man, in fact, a short journey up the road gets you to the Cradle of Mankind

The first European settlers in the area were mostly Dutch farmers who had made the incredible journey from the Cape Province on the  other side of the country called the Groot Trek (1834 - 1840.) They came by ox wagen and were called Voortrekkers (Pioneers is the closest word Fi can think of). Fi says it must have been an absolutely horrific journey, she hates doing it in a car, on a tar road, with every possible modern convenience. The though of hacking your way through the unforgiving bushes and terrain and the relentless heat is too much to contemplate Not forgetting the wildlife, lions and snakes and such!)

Any way, they settled here and did their best to survive.

A while later, a major gold find boosted the area in to becoming more prosperous. The museum shows the living areas from the Voortrekkers (bare and minimal), to the Victorian age (busy, fusyy and ornate), to the Edwardian age (a little more refind and less fussy but still decorative leading up to the art deco period) Man, I am so smart for a dog! I will quip yapping on and show you what you REALLY want to see, me and Dilbert posing on EVERYTHING!



This is Fred and Harry Strubens who discovered the gold. There is a street named after them called 'Fred And Harry" and Fi shops in Strubens Valley! Okay, I will shush now...



You need big muscles to make bread in this... Har har har! It is a mould for making GOLD bars...



They made soap and candles from animal fat, nothing went to waste. It looks like cheese but this is soap... the candle moulds are on the shelf above.


Here we have  a small potjie (pot) for making meals (still used today!), a very large pot for the smelly job of turning animal fat into soap, a kettle to call the pot black, and a coffee bean roaster.



A leather working station - like I said, nothing went to waste...



The houses were made from mud mostly, with a reed roof, I nearly went wild when I sniffed the floor (Hey! I AM a dog you know, I sniff things...) It was CATTLE DUNG!!! Like I keep saying, NOTHING went to waste! Peach pips were used for both decorative purposes and also traction... dry cow poop is slippy stuff!



Two things every good family had: A bible (the ONLY book in the house) and bottomless coffee...



This one is dated 1699... around the time Fi was born, har har har.... oops, that was 1969!



Bath time:



An original ToyVoyager!



A model ox wagon that a little boy would have played with...




A.... drool.... "dolosse" (knuckle bone)...drool... ox wagon... who'd REALLY notice if one row went missing? II have the creepy feeling someone is staring at me...



A little embroidered bonnet. They were high fashion at the time, and served to protect from the harsh African sun.

Now for the Victorian part.

Some children were playing outside, they were seen but not heard! Their toys were a bit of a step up from the last lot, no?



We dropped in a calling card and the lady of the house granted us permission to enter... snooty...



Wow! What a lot of stuff!



Fi says she lived in an old house once that had the same pressed tin ceilings.



Aah! His master's voice!



Now we move on to the Edwardian side were it was a little easier on the eyes. Fi says this is a South African classic, you ought to read it.  (Jock of the Bushveld - a wonder dog much like myself). It is not easy on the eyes - you will need a few tissues.



A little rest, it is hard work posing all over the place you know. Fi is actually learning to crotchet and she is making the same cushion cover, in less vivid colours! I got caught up in it and she asked if I thought I was a cat.... hmm, I haven't seen a cat since that one in the KNP stared at me licking its chops...



See this lady? She has a short hairstyle and less restrictive clothing. She has been through the First World War. Whilst the men were away fighting on the side of the English (being a colony at the time) the woman became a little more independent, much like the women in Europe and America at the time.



Wanna see her a little closer? She is reading, she read us a few pages, then put some music on for us to listen to.






Apparantly the Art Deco period didn't skip South Africa!



Say hi to Shirley Temple!



These must be friends of Bokkie!



The museum has quite a nice ceramic collection too. These are the children who represent the days of the week. I am Saturday's child: Saturdays child works hard for his living, tell me about it! Poor Dooey is Wednesday's child, but he just LOOKS like he is full of woe, really he is a happy little guy...



Oh, we have come to the end of our tour! This is the Mayor of Johannesburg, Amos Masondo, the crest and a map of the different regions that make up Greater Johannesburg.



We signed the visitor's book to prove we did indeed visit!



Fi did her usual postcard shopping (fine lines may be getting crossed, MrsC!), then we said goodbye to Carolina.

Outside we spotted these mine carts and had to investigate...



Fi said she would show us a mine dump so we went for a little drive around the neighbourhood.

I got so excited when I saw this outside a house! Made me a little homesick....




Look, a mine dump! Not a very big one though. Johannesburg is dotted with massive mine dumps. (These are literaly gold hills!). The funny thing is you get used to them and accept them as other people view regular hills. Then one day you drive past and notice it has changed shape! With modern technology they are able to better extract gold from the left over crushed rock so they are reprocessing all the dumps and changing the shape of Johannesburg!



Driving around Fi became aware of the fact that there were at least seven churches in an area about as many blocks wide.! We took photos of the last three which were all on the same street, Bizzare!





That folks, is the end of that long travelog! More tomorrow... off to bed now, we have another early morning ahead of us.